And I Thought Traffic in Abu Dhabi was Bad......

I often complain about the bad drivers and daunting traffic in the UAE, but when I stumbled across these videos I realize I was just being a wimp. This is the real deal!

Mumbai (formerly Bombay), India. Not much density here but the way the large trucks, cars, motorcycles, bicycles and pedestrians interact is hypnotic to me. I watched this several times in awe at the cooperation between the different types of transport. Pure impromtu choreography without middle fingers or shakened fists displayed. Everyone just kept moving and dealt with it.

The two videos above are from Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon). The traffic is denser and almost takes on an organic look as if the mass of vehicles are the corpuscles of some large animal. Its almost as like each driver knows what the others are going to do through some understanding of universal unwritten rules. It is lawlessness and anarchy that somehow seems to work without too much bloodshed. I think it is an uniquely Asian thing. Could you imagine this chaos working in the Western world? I can't, we need our traffic lights, signs, cops and turn signals.

And finally Kathmandu, Nepal. I have experienced this personally during  a long weekend there. I hired a driver who deftly navigated the vehicular mayhem without a care in the world. He was in tune and did just fine.. I was in the back seat white-knuckling the grab handle above my head and getting sensory overload from the speed, congestion, horns, exhaust smells and the "coat of paint" proximity to our fellow motorists.

I am of the impression that these are not bad drivers, in fact I envy the skill demonstrated in such a hostile environment. I couldn't do it without a few dented fenders or spearing a moped. I would need a drink after (or before!) a few blocks at the wheel in these places.

On the other hand, some of the drivers in the UAE are just stupid. The roads are first-class here and there are more than a few that look at that as license to drive like maniacs just because they can. They tend to lack the concept of self preservation or responsibility to their potential innocent victims. One example of this is the red light runner captured on the video below, selfish bastard!

No Bad Deed Goes Punished

Those that know me have heard me say "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished" many times. It has become my personal motto. I adopted it as such through the School of Hard Knocks where I am current earning my post-graduate degree.

It seems the Emirate of Abu Dhabi does not concur with my wisdom. The powers that be announced this bombshell today:

 "The Abu Dhabi police traffic department has slashed all traffic fines issued in the emirate by 50 per cent, officials announced on Tuesday."






I am not one to criticize the police haphazardly and I know they have a tough job to do, but in this case I have  to wonder what the hell were they thinking? Abu Dhabi is one of the most dangerous places in the world for motorists. This is because there is a toxic stew of driving styles on the road as everyone is from some other country. You have 200 KMH Prados competing for the left lane with rusty, overloaded Toyota Hi-Luxes at 60 KMH. Then there are the differences in training and culture. West versus East, North versus South, attentive versus not, aggressive versus non. I think you get my drift. All too often this is the result:

Real UAE, not a Hollywood Set

The Infamous Fog Crash Aftermath

Speeding White Toyota Prado Result

I see really stupid crap every time I drive. Defensive driving skills are really honed here, my head is constantly on a swivel. So I wonder why fines are relieved by half for the bad guys. Here is the official answer:

"The reprieve comes after the amended traffic law, which stipulates hefty fines for traffic offences, left many motorists heavily indebted to the government, a senior traffic official disclosed."

So, if I am to understand correctly, the powers-that-be determined that too many bad drivers with self-inflicted offences owed too much to the government to get their cars re-registered so fines they owed were reduced enabling them to go back out on the road and re-menace other motorists. That's just not logical, or am I missing something here?

You see in Abu Dhabi, there are speed cameras, drivers are rarely pulled over and issued a ticket by the police. You speed by one of the hidden cameras and see a brief flash and your photo is taken. You may never know you were cited until you go to renew your registration. Many drivers get "ticket shock" when a year's worth of fines need to be paid at annual registration time or they will not get renewed.

To me, the halving of the fines sends the wrong message. They should be doubled so that these inconsiderate, shitty drivers have to eat ramen noodles and take the bus for three months before they can afford to get their driving privileges back. Then maybe by then they will have learned a lesson. Making it less expensive to be a jerk just reinforces bad behavior.

Some other issues surface that indicate this was not well thought out, as typical:

"The decision has already taken effect since the past three days, although the official announcement was made only Tuesday."

OK, so what if I paid the full fine two days ago or two weeks ago, is it retroactive? Do I get a refund?

"For now, all motorists will enjoy the reduced fines but soon we will decide who should be given the reprieve based on the traffic record of the driver," Colonel Engineer Ahmad Hussain Al Harthy, Director of Abu Dhabi Police Traffic and Patrols department, told Gulf News.

Sure to be a bureaucratic nightmare as every scofflaw comes out of the woodwork to plead his/her case. I can't even imagine!!! There are tens of thousands who owe fines and it looks like each case will be reviewed on an individual basis. Do they realize how long that will take?.

And this gem:

"After news spread about the decision, the traffic department was being thronged by thousands for renewal of vehicle registrations."

Geez, I wonder why? When you make it easier for assholes to be assholes again they will always jump at the chance!

If I was King, I would double or even triple the fines and get the dual benefit of keeping these effen idiots off the road for awhile AND maybe they will remember to drive in a way as to not endanger fellow motorists and/or themselves. 

I am certainly no prude and I like to cut-loose at times but I take driving seriously and when someone endangers my health and/or my life on a public road for no goddam reason but being stupid, I tend to take it personally!

All quotes in italics are from the full story in : The Gulf News

Drive safe, y'all!

Second City

Just like Chicago is the Second City in the US, the Emirate of Abu Dhabi has its own Second City, Al Ain.  This town is 160 kilometers from Abu Dhabi City. I still am not used to metric units of measure and prefer to think in terms of miles, feet, inches and Fahrenheit. I believe the United States and Liberia are the only countries in the world to use the old Imperial measures. At .62 kms/mile, Al Ain is approximately 99 good old fashioned miles from my abode on the outskirts of Abu Dhabi. Metrics are wimpy with all the millimeters, liters and hectares and such!

Abu Dhabi Dispatches Editorial Team, Lake Powell , Arizona Summit Meeting 2009. Your humble servant second from left.

But I digress. Back to the day trip to Al Ain.  Like I said, it is a short day trip on the smooth, fast highway. and I was fortunate enough to be accompanied by a French exchange student, Anna-Lou.

We started out using my GPS, but the "Bitching Betty" audio directions proved too irritating. Anna-Lou's sharp eyesight got us where we needed to go, the closer we got to Al Ain, the greener the scenery was. It reminded me of Central Florida, my home state. 

Al Ain is an oasis in the desert and has many natural fresh water springs. It is also the birthplace of Sheikh Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan. A man I admire as he was a true patriot of the UAE as he had only the best wishes for his countrymen in mind. He is the UAE's equivalent of the US's George Washington and is very much loved by the Emiratis, for good reason. A great man! He is missed. I would have liked to meet him. He seemed a good guy!

Sheikh Zayed

Al Ain Oasis

So anyway, we found the date palm oases in the middle of town, it was a forest of trees with an irrigation system. The whole thing was an elevated alleyway that you could walk or drive on. There were surprises along the way and one could lost in the labyrinth. We saw a lot of animals and a few parrots and a chicken or two. 

Date Palm Trunk

My next house

One of the surprises

Arabic Chic!

Desert Greenery

Next stop is Jebel Hafeet. An improbable rock jutting 4000 feet (1200 meters) out of the desert floor, A very entertaining road leads to a nice hotel at the top. I saw a lot of cars puking Prestone on the way up and smelled melting brakes on the way down. Some auto manufacturers use this road as a proving ground as its average 8 percent grade puts cars to their limits.

Road up Jebel Hafeet

Google Earth View of Jebel Hafeet Road

Moi!

View from Jebel Hafeet

And Another

Mon Navigateur

Who says there is no scenery in Arabia?

Al Ain is a fun and doable day trip from Abu Dhabi. Although I found the drivers even more crazy than here. Every effen roundabout is its own mini Indy 500. I survived, though and will live to race another day

The Abu Dhabi 500

One of the biggest culture shocks I've had since moving here is the apalling driving techniques. The U.A.E. is inhabited by drivers from all over the world who no doubt imported their homeland's worst driving habits along with the household goods. Filipinos, Pakistanis and Indians make up the majority of drivers on the road. These are not regions known for highway civility and when mixed together adds up to sum much more terrible than it's parts. I am trying to be culturally sensitive here but I can't help noticing a lack of spatial awareness of these drivers. Impossible lane changes, tailgating, left turns from the right lane and generally an attitude that they are the only ones using the road at the time. This unpredictability instills a very high "Pucker Factor" in "yours truly".

Then there are the local citizens. They only make up 20% of the population, but they cause their own set of challenges. Thirty-five years ago when the U.A.E. became a country, cars were rare and roads were rarer. Camels were the preferred form of transportation and the locals were accustomed to the slow 5-6 MPH of the animal's gait. Well, with the massive oil income in the intervening years, most of the locals became insanely rich and discovered automobiles could become entertaining playthings. Not just any automobiles but expensive, powerful machines capable of very high speeds. Believe me when I say that one learns very quickly to stay out of the fast lanes as one of these Mario Andretti wannabes will appear in your rear-view mirror VERY quickly and they are NOT slowing down! The worst are the Range Rovers and the Toyota Prado SUV's (always white in color). The only times I see these types of vehicles going slower than 200KPH is when they are wrapped around a date palm or a crumpled mass of smoldering metal at the base of a bridge abuttment. Just like teenage boys with the keys to Daddy's Porsche and a fifth of whiskey.

Where is law enforcement in all of this? Well they do show up at the accident scenes but are otherwise mostly absent. "Speed enforcement" is done with hidden radar/cameras along the highway that randomly snap photos of any cars going over the speed limit. You won't know if this has happened to you unless you go to the police website and enter your license number to access your record. Most motorists find out when they have been nailed when they are refused their annual registration, the offenses have to be paid up first or you walk. This system is obviously more effective as a revenue enhancement tool than speed enforcement. A squad of Florida Highway Patrol units could make a killing here, it would be like shooting fish in a barrel. 

Being a Muslim country, driving with ANY alcohol in your system is strictly forbidden and could be grounds for deportation. So I have had to --ahem-- change my habits and make use of alternate means of transport when adult beverages are in store for the evening.

Recently in the interest of public safety, the U.A.E. instituted a violation points system much like the U.S. has where you accrue points against your license for each violation. I have a copy of the policy and it seems...well...inconsistent in places. For example, if you get caught driving your car without tags, you are subject to 24 points and your is vehicle impounded for 60 days. Further down the list is the offense of "causing the death of others" for which you will be assessed 12 points and your car will be confiscated for 30 days. Does anyone else see a problem here?

The multilane intercity highways are excellent. Smooth spacious and crack/pothole free, they would shame many of the U.S. interstates. There seems too many of them considering the small size of the country. Once you get away from the metro areas, you often find yourself all alone on an 8 lane superhighway to nowhere. There is a lot to be said for having almost unlimited money for infrastructure. The U.A.E is big on infrastructure and they do it well.

In Abu Dhabi City however, it is a different story. As I said earlier, it is on an island with finite space. The traffic density rivals Manhattan and it is a real chore to drive there with all the maniacs concentrated in a small space. It seems like just about every weekend I have to go there to get something sorted out or do a beer run and I dread it. I have defined the length of a nano-second as from the time a traffic light turns green to when the idiot behind you starts honking his horn. Road rage is rare though, I guess everyone learns to deal with the frustration . Also, deportation is a definate possibility if one causes a public scene. You can get into legal trouble if you flip another driver the "bird" especially a local. 

Pedestrians downtown are another nuisance and there are alot of them as most "Guest Workers" cannot afford their own wheels. Designated crosswalks are a foreign concept and most just cross the road when and where the mood strikes them, often in groups, seemingly pursuing their own personal high-stakes game of Frogger. What the hell, so if I hit one it's only 12 points and 30 days car impound, but you won't catch me driving without a tag, that's much more serious according to the law.

So I've made it downtown with sweaty palms and elevated heartbeat. Now the fun really begins. finding a place to park.  Almost every 80 square feet of empty real estate downtown is occupied by a car. Off the main streets are two lane streets (like alleys) where everyone parks. These streets usually have space for parallel or nose-in parking on the side and when they get full people park in the middle of the street. That's right--they park in-line,  bumper-to-bumper right over the centerline. This not only makes it difficult for thru traffic it causes problems for the cars parked on the side as there is little room to back out. Finding a parking spot can make your whole day.

Unfortunately, I find my own driving habits evolving to fit my new environment and not in a good way. I now ignore stop signs, lane divider lines, speed limit signs and safe following distances. I can use my horn as an expressive communication medium. I will have to be careful when driving back in the States to remember that traffic rules were NOT made to be broken. Most importantly, I have discovered the One Rule that is essential to driving in Abu Dhabi: You can do the most incredibly stupid crap out on the road but all is forgiven by your fellow motorists if you have your emergency flashers on when you do it!